His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
