please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
