dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
