if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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