a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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