But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
