end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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