we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize