You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
