Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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