someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
