what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
