I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Can I color on your dick again?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
