I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
