i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
