dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She is in my trunk
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
