Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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