Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
