Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
