He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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