I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
