Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
