Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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