I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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