Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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