Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
