I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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