you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
