I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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