He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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