I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize