Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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