is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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