is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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