just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just invented taco cereal.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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