oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
