i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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