idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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