oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
