Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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