i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
