Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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