I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
