I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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