In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
