Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
