I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
