she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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