Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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