Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
