I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
