If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
