do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
