WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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