dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
