Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i think my mom watched the whole time
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
