Pappa wants mamma naked
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
