i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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