I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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