My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize