I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
