just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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