I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
