It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
you never un-have a 4some
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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