I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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