he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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