why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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