I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
