apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I need moral support for this bender
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Bring me that man meat
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
