but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
