I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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