Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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