I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
