Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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