I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize