I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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