Kiss
Puke
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
