i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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