I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
