I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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