WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
