I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
