dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
