Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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