Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
