She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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