im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This is classic penis vs brain.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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