he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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